Dear Mohan Baidya,

It must be so-not-great being you right now. First things first: what happened to the 10-day Nepal bandh plan in Kathmandu pre-elections?

The first morning of Day 1 looked promising but looks like it all went downhill after that. People started coming out in droves while the army and police on the streets had your lazy goons celebrating the fact that they wouldn’t have to stand in the sun all day with their sticks in their hands (sticks man, seriously?) trying to shut down the country. We hear it was more effective outside the Valley, but when Prachanda and BRB text you asking “Aja bandha chha ki chhaina? LOL” – that’s gotta hurt bad.

Anyways, while the country’s population swears at you in about 122 ethnic languages for the terrible stunts you’ve tried to pull to create an environment of fear and violence, we kinda feel for you. Well not for all the bad stuff you did, you deserve that bad karma for sure. But for your terrible, failed ideas. Who else could understand the pains of seeing an awesome-on-paper idea nosedive, than entrepreneurs? So when you threw petrol bombs into microbuses to stop people from getting out of the house and people still went out and carried on with their lives – we felt for you. When you had your goons blasting bombs till late into Election Eve and early morning too and people still lined up to vote – poor you! That image of the 118 year-old woman lining up to vote with her grandson holding on to her oxygen cylinder? That really wasn’t about voting – it was just their family giving you and your comrades the finger. We know you got it.

For every aspiring entrepreneur, there comes a time when they assess their terrible ideas and go back to the drawing board to work things out. In your case, you’ve been at the drawing board for, like what, 15 years now? You’ve used up all your VC funds too. Still nothing.

No one will tell you this. But we’ll give it to you straight. Not everyone’s cut out to be a revolutionary, just like not everyone’s cut out to be an entrepreneur. It must have seemed like a great idea back in the day. The young ladies with you in the jungle during your underground days must have said it was oh-so-hot to hear your fiery speeches and Mao-gibberish-dirty-talk. News flash: those ladies are now with Calm-Red Gelled Hair.

So if you decide to throw in that old faux Burberry muffler you wear year-round and join the country as it sprints ahead into the future, even though they’ll all call you a sellout, we promise we won’t. We get it.

You failed.

The VP Team

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